Mothers Day-- The Real One

So I get it. One Sunday Morning you wake up and your kids have crafted you some sort of card, maybe even made a breakfast. Your husband buys a gift and a card has the kids sign it, or in the case of a close friend of mine Dad signs the card for the kid, cuz its easier. You take a shower everyone stares at you lovingly. Some magical power has caused your kid to wash the dishes- you are amazed. If its your thing you go to church with your own mom. if your mom has passed away, you're a little sad, but you press on the way she would have wanted. You get to church and all the church fellas tell you they appreciate you. There may be breakfast, or brunch, a gift bag, a flower, something to that effect. Church lets out you go to dinner at your fave restaurant. You text all your girlfriends a happy mothers day message. You relax a bit and go to bed. Your regular life is back in play and all in all its a good mothers day right?


Mine went differently. The Hubbs has a new gig. First day? Mother's Day. So I get up, get the girls dressed, the three of us plus one Nana head off to Sunday school (church is our thing). We arrive learn some good stuff ;the kids are antsy, they wont be still and this disturbs me, so I'm not such a cheerful mom this mother's day and all the saints can tell. I give the mom look of wrath. Does this work? Nope. they keep getting up and making noises and distracting others- i'm getting more irritated. It does not look good for the spawn.

I googled bad kid at church I got this book and Lady Gaga! hahaha 

Apparently she is a church kid gone bad? Who knew?

Sunday school dismisses everyone wants to save them, they see whats coming. I close in give a REALLY stern hushed tone reprimanding. They nod their understanding and all finishes well. Church is great, I tell all the moms that they are awesome and I mean it ( I grew up with all these ladies). They tell me I'm doing a great job and I believe em. The girls try to go home with a buddy- No happs it's Mother's day they're stuck with me.

Home now,  I clean the kitchen (nope the girls didn't) take a nap. Wake up Nana made dinner. YUM! Me and my mommy watch one of our fave flix...... Avatar! The Hubbs comes home, he's tired; runs bathwater for me lights a couple candles, turns on the jacuzzi thingie I never have time to fire up. It is good. We get in the bed and pass out.  Oh yeah somewhere in there I tell all my Face Book mama's happy mother's day.

Hubbs kinda saved the day! Go Hubbs! needed that bath

That's not how it goes according to the masses. I felt like the day sucked overall.

BUT,  Monday. A random day like any other Monday.  I get home to hugs and kisses from the spawn, their homework is done already, they did all their chores and no one prompted it (I checked with Hubbs and Nana), I got to pee without an interruption. The Hubbs was in a great mood and it was time for me to work out. the spawn told me they would work out with me, Even the Beanster ! (she never participates). We do about 10 sweat attack routines on Just Dance, our favorite song on Just Dance Summer party, and five Michael Jackson Experience songs with a cool down on Rock with You! The bean and I were Sweaty and then we hugged. Munch already skinny only did a few but hung around for moral support. Took a shower the girls and hubbs had dinner (I'm fasting). they took baths freshened up the living room and kitchen and went to bed. bean came and gave me a big hug said nighty night, Munch still likes to be tucked in so I did. The Hubbs handed over the remote and we watched bad reality TV until I drifted off. Monday was pretty awesome by our standards.

I actually made a collage of all the goodness of the Wii. Pray for me I'm mildly obsessed I think 

Yes, I Love this trash!!!

When is Mother's Day? Any day it feels pretty darn great to be a Mom!

 So, to all my Mom's I purposely waited to post in case an epiphany occurred, and here it is HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY !!!!!!!! WHATEVER DAY IT FALLS ON :)

Teen Mom Moment: I never expected to have good Mother's days.  It was drilled into my head that I wasnt supposed to be a mom yet.

This was a good day. it was June 9th. - MOTHERS DAY

Mom Moment:  Mother's day is every day!

You get a double Hi-Five

So I have begun my next new workout regimen in pursuit yet again of not being  That Fat.   In an effort to get my shit together before I hit the big 3-0 in July I have taken to Zumba dance party on ....wait for it.....the Wii!!!! My Love for the Wii has no bounds .  After some wonderful encouragement from the hubbs I took the great $39.99 plunge and bought the software. Here is where it begins friends, wish me luck.

I just wanna share the beginning of my journey and a few fun things with ya so this post wil be uber short.  The fact that my husband loses wieght at lightening speed make me Fee-Ur_Eeee-Ussss (translation: furious)!!!! No matter how much I alter my eating and start up some short lived workout trend...I lose about 10, find 7 quickly and play yoyo with the 3 remaining.  But Not this time dammit!!!!!!

I have this !!!!!!!

My secret weapon lol

 I also have some spawn who I will now acknowledge in a positive light for a change. Here's how the first night of Zumba Wii went:

Me and the hubbs walk in the door with Walmart bags
Bean and Munch: What did y'all get?
Hubbs: A toilet seat and some stuff.... Are yall rooms clean and chores done?
Bean and Munch:.........silence lol (they are obviously not done and this becomes apparent to hubbs
Hubbs: grumbling.......Mommy see what I'm talkin bout??? (he exits the stage)
Lola: I bought yall some campfire marshmallows too! Oh and we know have Zumba for the Wii!!!! (holds up box)
Munch and Bean: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!
Lola: Ya'll gone workout wit me???? I dont wanna be that fat no mo (makes sad face)
Munch: Mommy you're not that fat (see above for what is wrong with this statement)...... But yeah! Phoenix has this game and its fun!!!!!
Bean: Cool Mommy..... I wanna lose my gut and we did this in gym fo like 3 weeks I think i remeber some of the stuff.....you know i cant dance tho.
Hubbs: MOMMY!!!!!! where the movies at ????????
Lola: ON THE SHELF BABE!
Munch: imma put in on now ok mommy?
Lola: Do that! Its about to go down!!!!! (starts doing the im gonna be skinny soon dance)
Bean: Laughing at the I'm gonna be skinny soon dance  picks up kindle and sits on couch
Hubbs: MOMMY!!!!!!!! I DONT SEE EM!!!!!
Lola: FOR REAL?!?!?!?! YOU KNOW IM TRYNA WORKOUT!
Hubbs: SORRY! HOW LONG YOU GONE BE?
Lola: IM WORKIN OUT LEAVE ME ALONE BOO!!!!
Munch: U ready???
Lola: Yup
Lola does first two routines and is now sweating, hot and thirsty
Lola: Munch, get me sum ice water
Bean: You doin good Ma, hi five! (we slap hi five and i continue moving latin style)
Lola: thanks bean, wanna do one ?
Hubbs: BOO! CAN YOU COMERE????
Lola: Munch and Bean ya'll do this one
Hubbs: you working out boo?
Lola: yes, I will be back when it's over babe
Hubbs: okay
Kids: Mommy its over
Lola: here i come
really tough choreographed number comes on  Lola hangs in there pretty good 
Computer generated class instructor: WAY TO GO! YOU'RE DOING GREAT!!!
Lola: I like this class instructor
Bean: You silly mommy
song ends ...Lola is whooped
Bean: That one was hard mommy, you get a double hi five!
(we slap a double hi five and the bellydancing cool down song come on)
Hubbs is peeking in the room, he grins and walks away
Lola and the spawns do the cool down together, laughing at each others moves
Lola: Well that was it chickens! Im gonna be skinny soon! give me a hug
Bean and Munch: UUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHHH! you all sweaty!
Munch: I'm bored
Lola: It's bedtime Munch
Bean: You did good mommy!
Lola: Thanks Bean!
Hubbs: I'm proud of you stinky.... take a shower and get in this bed!
Lola smiles to self and does the skinny dance on her way to the shower. 

Remember how almost every episode ended with them about to get it on? i felt kinda like that lol

We aint quite the Huxtables

The Cast of Zumba on the Wii Day 1

But we are flippin awesome! 

Sidenotes:  I dont make my kids use proper english at home, it's home they know when to shut it off..... I realize this post may have lived up to a few stereotypes, sometimes they're right! :) I had no teen mom moment or regular moment....Just me and the fam! 


happy friday friends!
~lola rouge

You're no THAT fat mommy......sigh

Yup. She did it. She said it as I was getting dressed to go perform poetry, on my now fourth attempt at looking like I accidentally look this cool.... "You're not THAT fat mommy." After what I am sure were death rays caused her to wince a bit, She went on to say... You are not fat at all, kinda thick, just not skinny....blah, blah, blah........its too late young spawn.....you have destroyed today's ration of self esteem.

This lovely remark was provided to me via my extremely thin, built like her dad, hazel eyed, long sandy brown hair, thin, long legged tiny waisted, did I mention thin, spawn o mine. I sound like I might be a tad jealous of the wonderful configuration of her 46 chromosomes. I AM. There I said it.  There are other mothers who at some point have felt the same. If not, eff it.  Its how I feel today. So there.

Tiny bundle of compliments

Me a fat baby...cute but fat

You know, When I was pregnant with my little bundle of compliments, there was nothing I hoped for more than she be thee most beautiful little baby in the world. Having been a fat baby, toddler, child, adolescent, teen, and adult (apparently), I wanted a thin childhood for her. So that running fast and not being picked last would not be her fate. And God apparently saw fit to honor this wish. I now wonder if it is a blessing or a curse.





My little sassy pants on more than one occasion has let me know that she totally thinks I'm cute. (I  need her approval, right?). And that while I am not thin, my version of fat is acceptable to her. She compares me to other moms who are bigger than me, but still acceptable because moms just get bigger right? Her perception is clearly skewed. Is it my fault? Whatever......she's just vain and somehow decided she can weigh in on beauty and size in her world of moms.  Uuuugggghhh.

What else would she be but, a cheerleader.... I encouraged this

I (for reasons I cant explain) actually went into conversation with the young spawn about how I was actually a smaller me after I birthed her sister and her. (<-----that's gotta be bad grammar, sounds bad, reads bad. I digress). I showed her pics of my super cool and relatively slim self and showed her pics of other moms who didn't get fat. Then I realize that this conversation is no good......for me.  Now I am forced to realize, i only got this way by eating my feelings.....somebody call Dr. Phil, this teen, single married twice mom has got issues.

Dammit! Kids aren't supposed to help you realize you are a cluster of tom foolery! Shit! I've been working out and doing Yoga booty ballet (Don't judge me, it was a very interesting infomercial) and all other random types of BeachBody workouts, I've even graced a Zumba instructor or two with my presence. But now thanks to super cute thin young spawn, i realize it isn't the workouts.....I eat my feelings.  Thanks Kiddo..... another something to add to the list of stuff I'm still working on.

Me.......Not that Fat...

Lesson for the day: Oh eff it, there isn't one.... someone call my husband and tell him to bring me a Red Bull and Funyuns.  I'm working out this evening.


Teen mom moment:  Kids are annoying, I dont need them making me aware of my issues and flaws.
Mom Moment: i love that little chickadee, her ability to be brutally honest while remaining cute is enviable, and her ability to eat bacon and candy in large amount while still remaining thin inspires me.

Welp, another something off my chest peeps.
~L. rouge